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Raise your hand if you’ve ever:
- Felt like that pair of jeans you just bought will single-handedly destroy your chances of ever retiring
- Laid awake at 2 a.m. ruminating on that expensive history degree that you’ll be paying off until you’re 78
- Spent countless hours staring at your bank statement feeling like your spending is getting out of hand but not knowing what to do about it
Let me be the first to tell you that you are not alone in this. Money guilt is a very real, but very manageable mindset. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again—money is one of the biggest drivers of shame for many people.
What is money guilt?
Money guilt is feeling shame, anxiety, or unease when you spend money or think about spending—past, present, or future.
Folks often feel it when they spend money on “fun” things or reflect on what they consider their financial mistakes, like unnecessary consumer debt.
You can have money guilt regardless of your current financial situation—I know plenty of “rich” people who feel it constantly.
I do want to make a super clear distinction—money guilt is different from financial trauma.
Financial trauma runs so deep, from the money challenges your family faced when you were a kid to the patriarchal bullshit that kept our moms and grandmothers from being able to get credit cards in their own name without a male co-signer until 1974. That still blows my mind.
Money guilt—while it might stem from financial trauma—is more about financial anxiety. It’s the humming, buzzing, on-edge feeling you might get when you think about your credit card debt or feel like you’re behind on your retirement savings. It’s totally normal to feel anxious around money, but it’s also manageable.
Here’s why I don’t feel bad about spending money
When I go to the movies, I’m going all-out. I get that $11 for a popcorn is insane (considering I could prob make my own at home for a fraction of that), but it’s all part of the experience for me. I LOVE going to the movies, and getting a buttery, salty bag of popcorn just makes it that much better.
And you know what? I don’t let myself feel guilty about it. That’s because I know exactly what my values are, and I set aside money each month so I can enjoy things in line with my budget AND values.
I want you to have this ability to spend freely, too. So let’s look at how to ditch money guilt step-by-step.
Step 1: Shift your mindset
Here’s the thing—money isn’t good or bad. It doesn’t have morals. It’s not judging you. It’s literally just a tool.
A hammer doesn’t decide what you use it for—you do. Same goes for money. It’s here to help you build a life that feels aligned, joyful, and secure.
So when you catch yourself spiraling about that weekend getaway or the fancy moisturizer that actually makes you feel like a glowing goddess, remind yourself, “I’m choosing to use my money as a tool to live my values.”
Money becomes powerful (in the good way) when we stop treating it like it’s in charge of us, and start making it work for us.
Step 2: Know your values
So, what are your value categories for your spending?
Make a list!
Here are a few of my values aka things I don’t beat myself up about spending money on:
- Eating out
- Plants
- Travel
Here are some other common categories from folks in the HFK community: art, good goof, home organization, health/fitness, self-investment, books, nesting, converts, time with family, dancing, computers, gardening, outdoor activities, crafting, beauty, wine, cats, electronics, and SO many more.
Step 3: Connect your values to your budget
So now that you know your values, do you think you’re spending money on things that aren’t related to your values? Let’s find out.
I want you to take one month of recent spending and categorize what you’re buying. Get out a piece of paper or open up a spreadsheet or note on your phone and write down your values—around three or four is a good starting point. Then, looking at your spending, write down what purchases fit within each value category. If you find a purchase that doesn’t fit any of your value categories, write that down too under the heading “Non-value spending.”
This is a pretty great way to get clear on things that you might want to stop spending money on.
For example, if you bought coffee at the drive-through 16 times last month because you were running late and didn’t have time to make it at home, that might be a “non-value spending” item and something to motivate you to change your habits.
However, if you went to coffee four times last month and each time was to meet up with a good friend or family member and catch up, that could absolutely fall under the value category of “connection” or “relationship building.” So, think about the context behind each purchase to help you get clear on whether it’s a value purchase or not.
Finally, think about how much money you feel comfortable setting aside for activities or purchases that are in line with those values, and spend freely on things that you KNOW will bring you joy.
Strategies to relieve money guilt
Okay, so you’ve worked on your mindset, got your values, and done a little spending audit. Now you’re ready to actually do something about the guilt.
Here are some practical ways to kick money guilt to the curb and start feeling more in control.
Pinpoint when you feel the guilt
Start noticing the moments that guilt creeps in. Is it every time you swipe your card? Only when it’s a “fun” purchase? Or even when it’s something practical—like paying the electric bill?
Identifying the pattern helps you get clear on whether it’s really the spending that’s bothering you, or something deeper under the surface (hello, shame spiral).
Dig into money trauma
If your guilt feels sticky, heavy, or deeply emotional, it might be connected to old financial wounds. Did you grow up in a household where money was always tight? Were you told that spending was selfish or irresponsible?
Unpacking financial trauma might require some journaling, self-reflection, or even working with a financial therapist or coach. You deserve to heal from that stuff, and to feel safe with money again.
Remove the pressure to “fix” it immediately
Let’s be real: shifting your relationship with money isn’t going to be a one-and-done deal. You’ll probably catch yourself feeling guilty again—and that’s okay.
The key is to keep bringing awareness to it, practice self-compassion, and take small, intentional steps toward the money mindset you want to build.
Intentionally set new money mindsets
Guilt thrives in vagueness. So get specific about your beliefs. Even if it sounds cheesy as hell, tell yourself things like:
- “I am allowed to enjoy the money I earn.”
- “Spending in line with my values is responsible.”
- “Taking care of my future includes taking care of my present self.”
This might sound cringey at first, but words matter—especially the ones you say to yourself.
Remind yourself: money is a tool
(Yes, I’m saying it again because it’s that important.)
Money is not your enemy. It’s not a moral compass. It’s a resource. Use it with purpose, and you’ll start to feel a hell of a lot better about where it’s going.
Question what’s considered “frivolous”
Spoiler alert: most things women enjoy spending money on—skincare, clothing, wellness, cozy home vibes—are labeled “frivolous” by society.
But the money guys dropping thousands on golf memberships, car mods, or whiskey tastings? That’s called “a hobby.”
Let’s stop buying into that nonsense. If it aligns with your values and brings you joy, it’s not frivolous. It’s yours.
Do a monthly money date
Once a month, light a candle, pour a glass of wine (or tea), and check in with your finances. Celebrate wins. Review your value spending. Adjust where needed.
It doesn’t have to be stressful—it can actually be motivating AF. You’re taking control. You’re making informed decisions. You’re showing up for yourself.
Know when you have room to spend
Knowledge is power, my friend. When you know how much wiggle room you have in your budget, you can spend with confidence—not fear. That little bit of clarity can go a long way in keeping the guilt gremlins at bay.
Know that your spending reflects your value categories
When you’ve done the work to define your values and align your spending, guilt starts to fade. Because you’re not just throwing money around—you’re investing in a life that matters to you.
You CAN ditch your money guilt
Money guilt is a special kind of nightmare. It can show up in plenty of areas of your financial life, and it’s always a headspinner.
But by digging deeper, exploring new money mindsets, and taking small steps, you can lighten the money guilt and spend with confidence.
So go ahead, buy the damn popcorn. And don’t apologize for it.
Ready to feel financially whole?
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