What if your thirties were about impressing yourself instead of others? In this episode, Tori gets real about the shift in priorities that comes with entering a new decade, reflecting on everything from financial independence and self-care to setting boundaries. She encourages listeners to stop apologizing for their choices and start building a life that aligns with their values. Whether you’re navigating your twenties or already thinking ahead, this episode is packed with insights that will inspire you to take control of your finances and well-being with confidence and purpose.
Key takeaways:
- Prioritize health for the long term. Tori shares how she’s now putting her physical health first — investing in a personal trainer and making conscious choices around sleep and wellness are part of her strategy to ensure her body can carry her through the next decades.
- The importance of a will and life insurance. Whether you’re a multimillionaire or just starting out, having a will is about taking care of the people you love and ensuring your financial legacy is clear. She encourages listeners to prioritize this often-overlooked aspect of financial planning.
- Setting boundaries is crucial. Tori shares her strategies for finding joy outside of her business and how she’s learning to separate her identity from her work. This includes thinking ahead about the potential of stepping back from her CEO role while still maintaining her presence in the company.
Notable Quotes
“Let your thirties be about impressing yourself. Do the things you actually want to do and then don’t apologize for it.”
“I will always say that your financial goals should be about protecting current you and future you, and then paying for past you.”
“I sacrificed a lot of my health to build this company, and I’m not willing to do that again. Now I’m focused on my own health and my life outside of work.”
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Transcript:
Tori Dunlap:
Hi, Financial Feminists. I’m not going to lie to you. I don’t want to record today. It’s not because I don’t think this episode’s going to be fire. It’s going to be fire. But because I don’t feel like it. I am tired. I didn’t sleep great. And I have major senioritis because I am going to Europe very shortly on vacation. And it’s also sunny outside and I just want to take a nap. And I think it’s important to tell you this because sometimes entrepreneurship gets glamorized and it’s also still a job that sometimes I don’t want to do. And it’s not because I don’t love it, and it’s not because I don’t care about it, but because I’m tired.
Yeah, today’s not one of those days that I have a lot of energy and want to keep doing work. And sometimes you got to. And especially when you’re an entrepreneur, you have a team relying on you. So if I don’t do my work, Kristin can’t do her job of getting the episode out on time, and Amanda can’t do her job of promoting it on social media. So we’re going to power through this one today. And again, I don’t want you to turn off the episode because you think this is going to be shit. I can do it with broken heart, baby. We can do it. I’m going to be great. It’s going to be a great episode. I just like to acknowledge that I’m a little low energy. Sometimes it happens. And that I’m very excited for a restful vacation in the very, very hot Italian summer.
So hello. If you’re an oldie but a goodie, welcome back to the show. And if you’re new here, hi, my name is Tori. And I am a multimillionaire, and I fight the patriarch you’ve been making you rich. If you want to do something nice today for us because this is a great show and we put a lot of effort into it and we’re showing up even when it’s difficult, you can subscribe. That’s the easiest thing you can do to support us and to make sure that we can get good guests. It’s just hitting that one little button. And if you want extra credit, you can turn on auto downloads and maybe listen to another episode after this. We would really appreciate it.
I just turned 30 and yeah, I didn’t shut up about it. It’s only been eight days. It’s only been a little over a week since we’re recording this. It’s July 18th that we’re recording it. My birthday’s July 10th. So yeah, it’s birthday month and it’s been a week. I don’t know if I have any grand massive takeaways about my thirties and a new decade yet. I don’t think it really feels real yet. Haven’t had a lot of time because I’ve been working a lot to really sit with it. But today we’re talking about the things that I am planning on doing differently in my thirties or things I’m thinking more about, especially when it comes to money and how I’m going to manage it in this next decade of my life.
We talk a lot on the show, of course, about how personal finance is personal. I say that in my book, I say that here a lot. And I think that any marker of success can sometimes be helpful, but it’s usually just very shameful. And that’s why you won’t hear me say a lot on the show, things like you should have X amount of money saved by the time you’re 30, or you should be making X amount of money when you’re 45. You should be spending Z amount of money every month on your rent because everybody’s life is different. Everybody’s financial goals are different. Yet there’s I think a couple crucial tasks or mindset switches that are really, really important as you transition into your thirties and beyond, that maybe wasn’t a priority to you in your twenties, and that also you maybe didn’t have to think about as much just because it wasn’t as relevant to you.
So today I’m talking about a couple of the things both personally that I am thinking about with my money into my thirties, and some of the things that I would encourage you to think about too. So whether you are late twenties or you’re in their thirties, here’s a great guide book, let’s say, for you as you transition into your thirties.
Okay, the first one, I’m giving less fucks about what people think of my purchases. You know me though, I haven’t given fucks about that really ever, but I think as you get into your thirties, you start setting better boundaries around everything and you start realizing who you truly are and what you want to spend your money on. And I think if your twenties are about impressing people, or were about impressing people, let your thirties be about impressing yourself. Do the things you actually want to do and then don’t apologize for it. You want to buy a sewing machine and that feels grandma, but you know you’re going to love it. Great.
I think for me, actually one of the biggest transitions I’ve had when I started to make more money is the designer pull. It’s just, I think with social media and rich culture, there’s this draw of purchasing a bunch of designer goods because I can now afford to do that. And let me tell you, I tried that. I tried buying Versace sunglasses and I have them and they’re cool looking, but it didn’t give me the joy that I think a lot of other people feel. There is a certain type of person that is like, “Oh my God, I have saved for five years for this Dior bag.” I don’t feel that way. I’m really hard on my stuff. That’s just not what I love.
But I have figured out the purchase that I absolutely love and that is luxury hotels. And most of them, I do it on credit card points, which is great because I don’t even have to pay my own real money, but I researched the hotel beforehand, I’m going on and I’m like, tickly-tackly. And I’m like, “Ooh, what’s the spa look like? And what are the pillows made out of?” This is literally me and I’m checking the amenities weeks before and then I’ve checked all of them and I’m still checking them two days before. And that level of excitement for me is I think what a lot of people feel about getting the Chanel purse. But that’s not me. That’s not my level of excitement.
And I think, again, the frivolous spending, right? We’re told basically anything that we want or desire as women is frivolous. So just buy the thing you want. Make sure you can afford it. Make sure you’ve saved responsibly. Don’t be putting this on a credit card and you can’t afford it, but give less fuck about your purchases. If you love it and you know you’re going to get joy out of it, there is no need to justify it to anybody else. And also find the thing that feels luxurious to you. Maybe that is a designer good. Maybe that’s a really nice car. Maybe that is beautiful home goods. This is not sponsored, but Boll & Branch sent me some of their sheets. Oh my God, divine, incredible. They’re $700 sheets. I probably would’ve paid my own money for these sheets because they’re that incredible. I think that you have to find the thing that you love and that feels luxurious to you and don’t feel like you need to buy it to impress anybody else. Don’t feel like you have to justify it to anybody else. Give less fucks about the things that you spend your money on.
Okay, number two, it might be time to prioritize new goals. I’m getting the itch to buy a house. I literally just signed another year lease on my apartment here, so I know I’ll be here for at least another year, unless I sublet, but that’s probably not happening. I just think when you’re 30, you start, again, figuring out what you want. And you might have new priorities, you might want to become a homeowner, I want to pursue that. You might want to consider children. You might want to do neither of those things and just figure out how to grow your wealth. But I think transitioning into your thirties, again, your priorities change, you get more focused about what you want and therefore your financial goals may shift too.
I will always say that your financial goals should always be about protecting current you and future you and then paying for past you. And what I mean by that is an emergency fund, investing for retirement to protect future you, your current goals, a budget to make sure that you’re not overspending and that your purchases are aligned with what you want. And then past you, paying off your debt, paying off your student loans, your car, your mortgage, any credit card debt that you have.
So I feel like as I’m transitioning into my thirties, I’m thinking a lot, again, what do I truly want? Where do I want my money to go? What do I want to spend my money on? And in your thirties, you’re going to figure out how your goals and perspective shifts. I think especially as you start bringing new or different people into your life. I know some people get married in their twenties. I’m obviously not that person. But I have a serious partner now and we’re starting to have conversations about what we want our life to look like. Where do we want to live? What do we want to do? How much do I want to keep working on this business? And can I create a kind of business that allows me to step away more often?
And so those are a lot of the conversations that I’m starting to have because I am doing life now with somebody else. I am not just 100% the old decision maker anymore. If I want to spend six months in New York living from there, well that causes significant strain on my romantic relationship. So it’s just all these things that you have to think about that are new, exciting challenges.
Number three, I personally had a whole crisis when I was leading up to my 30th birthday. Because I have chronic pain, because I have back problems because the titties are too big and cause a bunch of health complications for me, and I’ve also gained a lot of weight in the past two years. That’s the side effect of running a stressful business. I think that was 100% the reason I gained weight was this business that I love so much, it caused me a ton of stress and my hormone levels are a little crazy. And so as I approached turning 30, and as I think about the rest of this decade, I just really want to prioritize my health. I really want to make sure that I am not sacrificing my mental or physical health to succeed, to accomplish my goals. I have family members who have unfortunately let their health go and are now paying for it later. They can’t walk. They have, again, significant pain and multiple surgeries for things that were largely preventable.
I’m spending a lot more money and a lot more time and a lot more of my energy, thinking about my sleep, thinking about my physical health. I got a personal trainer and she’s incredible. We went to high school together. I will link her down below. Shameless plug, she’s incredible, she’s a Black woman, she works here in Seattle in Tacoma, and if you’re looking for somebody, she’s a great person to go to. But that was an intentional choice and it was a true investment. It was a little bit of money, but it’s not just about now, it’s about protecting my muscles and my bones and my energy so I can show up for myself and show up for my team and do all the things I want to do because man, I want the next 30 years to be as kickass these first 30 were. And I need a healthy body to do that.
I think that focusing on your health, even if it does feel pricey, expensive, that’s something that pays off. That’s something that even I can see. I think we’ve done probably about 10 sessions together and even my partner the other day, literally two days ago was like, “I can see a difference in your legs and your butt. They look more toned. I can see a difference.” And seeing is great, especially from your partner, that’s fantastic. But I think that I want to feel better. It’s not about getting skinny for me. I don’t weigh myself, it’s not about that. It’s about making sure that I have a healthy enough body to live in for the rest of my life. And I unfortunately sacrificed a lot of that to build the company and to do all of the things I wanted to do, including write and launch a book. And so I’m just focused on my health now, and I would encourage you to think about that as well. And would also love to know anything that you’re doing to consciously focus on that.
You also just can’t get away with as much. If you’re out drinking in your twenties, you are much more resilient the next day. If you don’t get a good night’s sleep, you’re pretty fine. If you eat a lot of bad food, it’s just not the same. I feel my body is different. It doesn’t rebound as quickly. And I think my goal for my thirties is to be in really, really good shape to the point where I’m consciously taking care of myself and also lifting fucking heavy things and continually impressing and surprising myself.
The last thing I’ll say about health is that you do also realize if you want certain things, you’re going to have to sacrifice others. And I know that sounds so obvious, but I think as I’ve aged and as I’m going into my thirties, one of the things I’m really conscious about, okay, if I know that I have a big day tomorrow or I have goals I want to get done tomorrow, I can’t stay up till midnight doing something else fun. And then there’s some times where I’m willing to stay up till 12. For me, that’s late, even 11:30 is late. That’s late, but it has consequences later. So you have to figure out when are you okay with those consequences and when are you actually, I’m going to make the smart adult choice, because again, when you were 20, you could have your cake and eat it too, and you can’t anymore.
And I think that’s something that’s so, so, so crucial about aging is that, okay, I want to have a really good day tomorrow. I want to poop regularly. I want to have enough energy. It means that I have to make strategic decisions. And I’m coming to you on this podcast a little tired and that was partially because I said I was going to go to bed at 10:00 and literally was in bed. I was in bed at 10: and ready to go. And then I sat on my phone for an hour and I regretted it. Even as it happened, I was just like, “Go to bed.” And then I didn’t actually make that commitment to myself and now I’m paying for it. So that’s the trade-off, I think with your health too is like you realize you can’t do all the fun stuff if it means that you get to do fun stuff tomorrow.
My fourth thing, investing strategies. You’re getting a little older. You might want to optimize a little more. We talk about this in our stock market school a lot, but the rule of one 110 is a general rule where we figure out what percentage of our portfolio should be in stocks versus bonds. So you take 110 minus your age, so I’d be 110 minus 30, which would be 80. So 80% of my portfolio should be stocks and 20% should be bonds. And then as you age, you want to optimize that, right? So as you age, you want your investments in potentially less risky places because you want to keep more of your money. You want to make sure that you’re protecting your retirement. So that’s one thing that I will be more strategic about in this next decade.
I also am just focused on if I’m realizing, okay, I don’t want to work this hard forever, what sort of investing do I need to do, literally investing in the stock market, do I need to do in order to potentially not work and be able to potentially even live off of my investments? And this is what we call the financial independence movement, which is getting to a point where you are good on just the amount of money you have invested. And so I think that that is one thing I’m also thinking about more as I age is, uniquely for me who already has hit my financial independence number, at what point do I need to start taking this money out? I think I’ve got a while. I don’t think it’s going to happen anytime soon, but it’s in the back of my mind as I’m aging and thinking about that.
My fifth one is just work-life balance. I mean, it’s a myth. We all know that that’s a myth. It’s not real. But my boundaries around my business have gotten a lot stronger even in the last six months or a year for all of the reasons I’ve already outlined. I sacrificed my health, I sacrificed a lot of things in order to build this company, and I’m not willing to do that again. And so now I’m really focused on my own health, my life outside of work. The past two weeks, I’ve gone swimming in Lake Washington, I think six times. And it’s been blissful even if it was just for 20 minutes. And those sort of experiences, I want to keep having.
My identity, it’s so easy to tie my identity to work, especially when I walk down the street and I get recognized and it’s, “Oh, hey, you’re Her First $100K.” My identity is the business that I’ve run to a lot of people, and it’s very easy for me as myself to start believing that. And whether you run a business or of course you care about your work, it’s probably the same for you too. So I’m trying to find other identities outside of HFK, outside of the work that I do. And I think that is very, very difficult in a society that constantly demands you and your career be completely intermeshed and intertwined. So it’s a fun challenge that I’m looking forward to developing even more as I went through this decade.
And I’m so much happier for setting boundaries. I care about this business so much and so deeply, and I haven’t lost my ambition, but I’m slowly building other things that I am just as proud of or that I enjoy doing just as much that allow me to forget about the business for a while, and I want to do more of those things because unfortunately I’ve only recently discovered them.
This one’s not fun, but we’re going to talk about it. You need a will. You need to set up a will to make sure that you can assign legal guardianship for your children. And if you own a business, you need a will and you might need a trust. And that is something that I’m going to be honest with you. I’m going to admit to you as a good financial expert that I am, it’s something that I should have done sooner and I haven’t done it. I just haven’t got around to it. I haven’t made time for it. And we have a guest on the show coming up in an upcoming episode that talks about how important this is. And fuck, I got to do it. Oh, I got to do it.
So it’s not fun to think about death, I get it, but what’s really not fun is when you’re the loved one who got fucked over because your loved one who died didn’t do any of this for you, and you’re trying to find their accounts and you’re trying to figure out what they want and how to just navigate all of that while you’re also grieving. The most selfless thing you can do is get a will together, get life insurance for yourself. And if you have a partner who is not even making money, but is a non-compensated working parent, a stay at home parent, look into this. We have so many resources around getting wills, getting life insurance on our money tools page. We’ll also link that in the description. But it’s something that I’m thinking more about because I’m getting older. And also because I own a business.
So you don’t have to be a multimillionaire and you frankly shouldn’t be in order to get a will. Again, if you’re a parent, you need a will. If you have a complicated family situation, you need a will. Or if you just want to make sure that your stuff is going to the people you want it to go to, you need a will. And if anybody is reliant on you financially, you need life insurance, 100%.
And lastly, just a lot of business planning. A lot of outlining what sort of goals do I have for the company, but also for myself and my role in the company. Transparently, we’ve talked about me stepping back and bringing in a CEO. Now, I would still be the face of the company. You’d still see me all the time. My interaction with you would not change, but my day-to-day interaction as the head of the company internally would be a lot different. And I’m not even sure I want to do that yet. Just a lot of things I’m starting to think about. And again, related to what do I want outside of work? What do I want outside of HFK? What lights me up? What brings me joy?
We also just have a lot of really exciting things coming. We build in secret a lot of the time. We build things very quietly that you might not know are coming. And we have in January of this next year some really fucking cool shit that we’re launching. We are continuing to expand our stock market school. It’s getting even more robust with more education and more access. We continue to literally change women’s investing lives by not only teaching them how to invest, but actually getting them invested. As of this recording, we have about $85 million invested in that platform. And most of that $85 million is by people who have never invested before, by women who have never invested before. We have so many exciting plans for this show, for… just so many incredible goals for our business and ways we can continue to make an impact for you all that are coming very, very soon.
Lots of exciting things coming in the next coming years, and me just trying to figure out how do I serve you all best? How do I serve our team best? And how do I serve myself best? What do I want to do that really brings me joy? So a lot of things we’re figuring out right now.
Team, those are a lot of the things I’m changing, my financial habits that I’m changing as I move into my thirties and a lot of the things I am thinking about. I would love to know what you’re thinking about or what things changed for you as you transitioned into your thirties. And if you’re in your twenties, ask us a question. I would love to answer some more questions about the decade shift and how your money needs to shift with it.
As always, thank you for being here. We appreciate your support of the show. You can like and subscribe or share this episode or leave us a five star review. It’s all easy to do, but hugely impactful in supporting our movement. I’m going to go drink an Aperol spritz and on the beaches of the Amalfi Coast, and I will see you back here very, very soon. Hope you all have a kickass week, kickass day, get some sunshine, and I’ll talk to you soon.
Thank you for listening to Financial Feminist, a Her First $100K podcast. Financial Feminist is hosted by me, Tori Dunlap, produced by Kristen Fields, and Tamisha Grant, research by Sarah Sciortino, audio and video engineering by Alyssa Midcalf, marketing and operations by Karina Patel and Amanda Leffew. Special thanks to our team at Her First $100K, Kailyn Sprinkle, Masha Bakhmetyeva, Taylor Chou, Sasha Bonnar, Rae Wong, Elizabeth McCumber, Claire Kurronen, Daryl Ann Ingram, and Meghan Walker, promotional graphics by Mary Stratton, photography by Sarah Wolfe, and theme music by Jonah Cohen Sound. A huge thanks to the entire Her First $100K community for supporting the show. For more information about Financial Feminist, Her First $100K, our guests, and episode show notes visit financialfeministpodcast.com. If you’re confused about your personal finances and you’re wondering where to start, go to herfirst100k.com/quiz for a free personalized money plan.
Tori Dunlap
Tori Dunlap is an internationally-recognized money and career expert. After saving $100,000 at age 25, Tori quit her corporate job in marketing and founded Her First $100K to fight financial inequality by giving women actionable resources to better their money. She has helped over five million women negotiate salaries, pay off debt, build savings, and invest.
Tori’s work has been featured on Good Morning America, the New York Times, BBC, TIME, PEOPLE, CNN, New York Magazine, Forbes, CNBC, BuzzFeed, and more.
With a dedicated following of over 2.1 million on Instagram and 2.4 million on TikTok —and multiple instances of her story going viral—Tori’s unique take on financial advice has made her the go-to voice for ambitious millennial women. CNBC called Tori “the voice of financial confidence for women.”
An honors graduate of the University of Portland, Tori currently lives in Seattle, where she enjoys eating fried chicken, going to barre classes, and attempting to naturally work John Mulaney bits into conversation.
