No one walks down the aisle expecting to get divorced, but if it happens, do you know how to protect yourself financially?
Divorce can be one of the most emotionally and financially challenging experiences of a person’s life. And yet––so many of us walk into marriage without truly understanding the financial implications of merging (and potentially untangling) our lives. In this episode, I sit down with photographer, entrepreneur, and coach Kristin Sweeting, who openly shares her story of getting divorced at 29, the financial mistakes she made, and how she rebuilt her wealth from the ground up. We’re talking about everything from the hidden costs of divorce to why prenups should be a standard practice—and the crucial financial steps every person should take before (and during) marriage.
Whether you’re married, single, or somewhere in between, this episode is packed with financial lessons. Kristin’s experience highlights the importance of financial independence, setting clear money boundaries in relationships, and making sure you’re never left in the dark about your own finances. Below, we break down the biggest takeaways from our conversation—because financial empowerment means having options, no matter what life throws your way.
Key takeaways
Financial Awareness is Key—Don’t Outsource Your Money Management
Kristin candidly admits that despite being the breadwinner in her first marriage, she handed off all financial decision-making to her partner. She assumed that avoiding financial stress would make things easier, but instead, it left her completely disconnected from her own money. It wasn’t until after her divorce that she realized how much anxiety this avoidance had actually created. By taking charge of her finances—tracking her income, budgeting, and planning—she not only recovered but thrived. The lesson? No matter how much you trust your partner, you should always know where your money is going.
Divorce is Expensive—Be Prepared for the Financial Fallout
Divorce isn’t just an emotional separation—it’s a financial one. Kristin describes how she had to liquidate retirement accounts, take out a mortgage on a house she had previously owned outright, and split everything 50/50 with her ex. Many people underestimate the financial toll of divorce, assuming they’ll be able to split amicably. But as Kristin warns, even the most friendly divorces can turn financially complicated, and preparation is key.
Prenups and Financial Agreements Should Be Standard, Not Taboo
Prenups have a reputation for being unromantic, but Kristin now sees them as an act of mutual care and protection. She explains that having financial agreements in place—whether through a prenup, postnup, or written financial plan—ensures that if things go south, both partners are protected and expectations are clear. Rather than signaling distrust, these agreements can actually strengthen relationships by encouraging open, honest conversations about money.
Entrepreneurship and Financial Independence Provide Options
One of the most powerful takeaways from Kristin’s story is how having her own business gave her the financial freedom to leave a relationship that wasn’t working. She emphasizes that financial independence isn’t just about wealth—it’s about having choices. Whether it’s a side hustle, an investment portfolio, or simply having your own savings account, ensuring you have your own financial foundation is crucial in any relationship.
Co-Parenting and Finances Require Boundaries and Planning
Navigating finances after a divorce can be tricky, especially when children are involved. Kristin stresses the importance of setting clear boundaries, establishing financial agreements, and ensuring stability for your children. She also points out that, while co-parenting can be challenging, maintaining financial independence and a solid support system can make all the difference.
Build a Financial Support Team Before You Need It
One of Kristin’s biggest regrets is not assembling a financial and legal team before her divorce. She now advises women to proactively seek financial professionals, legal advisors, and accountants—before they’re in crisis mode. Having a support system in place can save time, money, and stress when navigating major life transitions.
Notable quotes
“I was making the money, but I had no idea where it was going. I just assumed we were fine—until I realized I had no control.”
“Having your own money means having options. It means you’re in a relationship because you want to be, not because you have to be.”
“A prenup isn’t about expecting the worst—it’s about protecting both people and making sure that, no matter what happens, you’re financially secure.”
Episode-at-a-glance
≫ 04:04 Kristen’s early life and marriage
≫ 08:28 Financial realizations and divorce
≫ 14:15 Navigating divorce and financial independence
≫ 20:01 The realities of divorce and co-parenting
≫ 25:15 The importance of financial agreements
≫ 30:25 Red flags and financial transparency
≫ 33:45 Co-parenting and financial management
≫ 37:02 Empowering women entrepreneurs
≫ 49:48 Lessons learned from divorce
Kristin’s Links:
Website: https://kristinsweeting.com/
Study Abroad Programs: https://dangerschool.com/study-abroad
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Meet Kristin
Kristin is an award-winning international photographer with over 14 years of experience. Her photography work has taken her to over 20 different countries as she dives in deep with her clients to truly capture them with authenticity and show their connection with each other, their friends, and their family. She’s had work featured in top wedding magazines and blogs, was voted one of the top wedding photographers in the South by Southern Weddings Magazine, and gives back to photographers and creatives who want to grow their businesses through retreats, workshops, speaking, and coaching. She founded Dangerous Creatives, a community based around education, coaching, and experiences that help creatives grow the business side of what they do while still having fun and connecting with others. The Dangerous Creatives Podcast dives in to conversations about the great and challenging aspects of working for yourself and connects with others through authenticity, stories, and hard earned wisdom. She consults and mentors with a variety of small businesses and loves seeing creative business owners thriving!
Transcript:
Tori Dunlap:
One of the most commonly requested topics, divorce. We are covering it today on Financial Feminist. We are honored to have our guest, Kristin, to talk about her experience ending her marriage, navigating the relationship pitfalls, everything she wished she knew before she went through her divorce, and most importantly, how to protect your money and what to do if you’re starting over. Let’s get into it.
Hi, Financial Feminist. Welcome to the show. We are talking about the big D, and I do not mean Dallas. We are talking about divorce today. I never know what to say when someone tells me that they’ve been divorced, it’s like, “Sorry, congratulations.” And that’s kind of the theme of this episode today. There are some really, hopefully positive things about ending a marriage that you or your partner no longer want to be in, but also some, of course, very heartbreaking, very challenging things.
This has been our most commonly requested topic that we have yet to cover is, how do we navigate divorce? How do we navigate the financials of a divorce? How do we make sure that we are protecting our own money as well as what to do if we are truly starting over and we’re realizing that, “Oh, there’s a lot about money that my partner handles and I have no idea about.” This episode is so powerful, so personal, and I’m really excited for you to hear it.
Our guest today is Kristin Sweeting. She is an award-winning international photographer with over 14 years of experience. Her photography work has taken her to over 20 different countries as she dives in deep with her clients to truly capture them with authenticity and show their connection with each other, their friends and their family. She’s had her work featured in top wedding magazines and blogs, and she gives back to photographers and creatives who want to grow their business through retreats, workshops, speaking and coaching. She founded Dangerous Creatives, a community based around education, coaching, and experiences that can help creatives grow the business side of what they do while still having fun and connecting with others. She also hosts the Dangerous Creatives podcast, and today is on this show to talk about her divorce at the age of 29.
She shares her story of navigating a high-control patriarchal religion and how it dictated the way she managed or really didn’t manage her finances in her first marriage, even as she was the breadwinner, the surprising costs associated with divorce, and also how she’s navigating finances now and the way she brings that transparency and boundaries to her current relationship. So we’re talking how to navigate this in a very personal way, but also what to do when you realize that you don’t have ownership over your own finances and how to take back control. So let’s get into it.
But first a word from our sponsors.
Oh, I didn’t know you knew each other. That’s so fun. No one’s going to be able to hear any of that. Podcast producer Kristin and guest Kristen know each other and work together as wedding photographers, so there you go. Kristen and Kristen. It’s the Kristen dream team though, which is kind of fun.
Kristin Sweeting:
It really is. They’re like, “Do you only hire people named Kristin?” And I’m like, “Yeah.”
Tori Dunlap:
Yes. Two Kristen’s and a wedding. There’s a sitcom in there somewhere.
Kristin Sweeting:
There has to be. There definitely has to be.
Tori Dunlap:
Well, thank you for coming on the show, Kristin with an I.
Kristin Sweeting:
Hi. Thanks.
Tori Dunlap:
Tell me what you do and why it matters so much to you.
Kristin Sweeting:
Well, I am a wedding photographer. I’ve been a wedding photographer for close to 18 years now, which is crazy. Through the story that we’ll talk about today, started coaching creative women on how to grow their business because I found that it was just such a life-changing thing for me when I really dug into building my own business, learning more about money, all of that kind stuff. Now I do equal parts photography and coaching creatives on how to grow their business.
Tori Dunlap:
Well, for background on you, we’re just going to dive right in. You grew up and were part of a very high control religious system when you got married. Can you talk about what that experience was like and that part of your story a little bit?
Kristin Sweeting:
Totally. When I was growing up, we started going to this church that I think at first seemed totally lovely and totally fine, and looking back on it as an adult, I was able to see all the ways that they were very patriarchal, high control. They had really strict rules about dating and women, all the purity culture stuff that I think really impacted the children of the nineties. So a lot of the way I was taught to think about being a woman, being a wife, being a mother, was informed by this group.
When I did get married the first time I was 20, 21, I was still in college. I was so young, I was following a lot of those rules still, those purity rules, and thinking that this was it, I had done all the right things, I had found the partner, everything was going to go swimmingly for me from now on. It ended up kind of creating this dynamic in our relationship where I didn’t feel like I was allowed to be strong, dominant, powerful. I was an entrepreneur, but there was always this fear of overpowering my partner or fear of outshining. So with all of that, there came a lot of anxiety and I ended up really outsourcing all of our finances to my partner because I was like, “I don’t know that I can handle this. I’m anxious and always stressed, so maybe it’s just better if you deal with it.” And ironically, that caused more anxiety, as you can imagine.
Tori Dunlap:
Well, I think this is something that you hear about and maybe if it wasn’t your lived experience, it feels, with all respect to your story, very 1950s.
Kristin Sweeting:
Yeah.
Tori Dunlap:
But I encounter so often in my work versions of this, it might not be as extreme as your story, but this, “My husband or my brother or my dad are better with money than I am and I don’t trust myself so they’re going to handle it.” But then what happens is that you have not only no or little say, even in a pretty equitable relationship, someone is in control of your finances and your freedom and your flexibility, but it also leaves you completely in the dark about how to do any of this, so that if you are ever on your own or if your partner ends up passing away or something happens, there’s no autonomy there. I just want anybody who’s listening who’s like, “Okay, but that might not be my experience,” it’s actually a lot of women’s experience
Kristin Sweeting:
I saw it played out with my parents too, and a lot of the families that I grew up in, there was so much secrecy or just question marks around money. I ask my mom now, “How much did you guys make when I was growing up?” She doesn’t even know. She doesn’t know. Money was used to control people, especially to control women in the environment that I grew up in. So even though I thought I was really changing as I was going into college and young adulthood, I was still letting some of those beliefs from earlier in my life really impact how I was showing up in my relationships or in money, and had this expectation that I shouldn’t have to worry about it, or if I do, I’ll upset someone and just feeling like there was a lot of question marks around it.
Tori Dunlap:
Were you the breadwinner even if you weren’t managing the money that was coming in?
Kristin Sweeting:
I was, yeah. I was.
Tori Dunlap:
How did that feel?
Kristin Sweeting:
I really did have a lot of resentment in that relationship. I was really confused by what my goals were. It was like I would make the money and it would get kind of tucked into these different places. I think he really did try to bring me into it, but I was resistant too, so it created so much anxiety for me. I was 29 years old when I got divorced, and I remember sitting in my kitchen and being like… I had a small child and I had a business that had done okay, but I didn’t really know because I never really looked at my numbers, until my accountant at the end of the year was like, “Hey, this is how much you made.” And I was like, “Oh, okay, cool.”
So I sat down at my kitchen table and jus decided that I was going to learn how to manage it, learn what I was making, what I was even bringing in. I didn’t even really know that what was coming in each month, anything like that. And started doing some basic budgeting just to understand it. I remember feeling like, “Oh my gosh, I’m doing okay. I’m doing great.” It alleviated so much anxiety that I think I was trying to solve that by avoiding it, by sticking my head in the sand and be like, “Someone else can do this.” Now working with creative women, even if you don’t have a similar dynamic in your relationship, I find so many people who think that they’ll be less anxious if they stick their head in the sand and don’t learn about investing, don’t learn about money management, and it ends up creating the opposite effect and creating more anxiety for you down the road.
Tori Dunlap:
Totally. I liken it to a horror movie where the horror movies that are the scariest are the ones where you never see the monster. You end up making it out to be even more terrifying than if you just knew what the monster looked like or what you think the monster is.
Kristin Sweeting:
A hundred percent.
Tori Dunlap:
I think it’s so interesting. One of the things that I find so interesting about your story and that I find so relatable is, “I’m bringing in money, but I have no idea exactly how much or where it’s going or what’s happening.” And again, whether you are married or not, whether you’re in a partnership or not, this is most people’s experience with money is, “I bring in money every month or every two weeks, and I don’t know what’s happening with it.” Can you talk to me psychologically about what was going on at that time and then the feeling or the experience in your brain and body when you were like, “Okay, I’m going to actually do this. I’m going to actually start understanding what’s going on.”?
Kristin Sweeting:
Totally. I think for a long time I just focused on making money and I was like, “If I can do this, then we’ll be okay” It definitely created this addiction to working too, because I was just like, “Always have to work more, always have to hustle.” Before I built my business, we had seasons of being really tight with money, and I did psychological studies at the local university to make extra money and started learning how to upholster headboards. I learned everything so that I could hustle and make a little extra money, and I think I didn’t understand how much we needed per month to make life happen.
But then also these longer-term goals and even understanding that this amount per month if it’s invested adds up to this, that then allows you to live this lifestyle in retirement. That took me until recently to learn those numbers, and I feel like the freedom there was really life-changing, so it was like, “Okay, there’s a plan. There’s something to work for. It feels very clear of where we’re going.” When I got divorced and just hunkered down and decided to look at it, I felt so much empowerment around my finances. My income grew because I was finally tracking and watching something. I know you say this to your listeners too, but if you’re not tracking what you’re doing, if you’re not learning to understand it, it’s really hard to make it grow. Because it’s like pouring water into a pot with holes in it.
When I got divorced at 29, you have to mortgage out your house, give your partner half of everything. Every retirement account was liquidated, everything was split. It felt like going back to square one. And within three years with a lot of these things that I changed and adopted, I was a millionaire in three years. It’s the business side of it, but it also was that skill of learning how to track, manage, feel empowered, be like, “Oh, this hustle that I could do would apply to this goal that I have.” Then it all just flowed so much nicer instead of waiting till the end of the year when my accountant was like, “Oh, hey, you spent more than you thought you did,” or, “You made this amount.” Did you ever do anything like that with your business early on where you weren’t tracking it?
Tori Dunlap:
Especially when it was a side hustle, it was a lot easier to just be like, “Oh, okay, that’s kind of cool. I brought in this amount of money.” And especially, I remember still the first year I ever did my business, which that was my first job out of college, and I remember bringing in, I brought in $30,000 as a side hustle and I was like, “Holy shit. This is so much money. This is more money than I’ve ever seen in my entire life.” Then I went to my accountant and he’s like, “Okay, so you’re going to pay 30% in taxes.” And I was like, “What?”
Kristin Sweeting:
What? Yeah.
Tori Dunlap:
It’s not 30 K… Now it was still an incredible amount of money, but I was just like, “Oh, okay.” And he’s like, “And also you have your expenses, and also you have the state and the federal tax and you have all…” And I was like, “Oh God. Okay.” That was the fun awakening at 23 where I was like, “Oh, this money that I’m making is not a hundred percent mine.”
Kristin Sweeting:
Mm-hmm.
Tori Dunlap:
Yeah. Fun stuff. We’ve never really done an episode focused on divorce, so if you’re willing, I would love to just really dive into what this looked like because it’s one of the most requested things that we hear from people. As much as you’re comfortable sharing, when do you realize and what are the things that are happening where you’re like, “I don’t want to be in this partnership anymore.”
Kristin Sweeting:
I’m happy to talk about it. So many people go through it in life and then people are afraid to open up about it. It was because of my business, was because of different things that I had created that gave me the option to do that. So even acknowledging that is creating those options for yourself is so empowering.
Tori Dunlap:
Well, before you go on, Kristin, that was so impactful what you just said. This is what we talk about all the time on the show, which is, when you have money, you have options. You might be a woman listening, and you definitely know one that cannot escape a situation, whether that is a marriage or a job because they cannot financially leave. So I think that’s first of all so incredible of, always have your own money because you want to be in a relationship you want to be in, not in a relationship you’re forced to be in. I don’t mean to cut you off, but I think that’s so important.
Kristin Sweeting:
No, I think it’s so important too. Having the skills and the ability to make money, to manage money, to have something that you’re passionate about. I do think it’s so important for everyone to have. Because I lived at once growing up and seeing the women around me, for religious reasons, but also financial ones, being convinced to stay in really horrible relationships, abusive relationships, this guilt of stay and pray for them, but also what would you do if you left? That was a big part of my thought process when I was going through this in my twenties was, I’m not going to stay and blame someone else my whole life. I’m going to create the option for myself that I need and that I want. No matter what your situation is in life, whether you’re single, whether you’re married, whether you’re happily married or not happily married, I always like to think of, what are my options?
Because anything could happen. I’ve gone through lots of loss and grief and things like that too, so you really just don’t know what life is going to throw your way. Going through it is still so painful, but when you have the resources to bring the support around you that you need to hire the therapist that you need, to still take care of your children, the right lawyers, I think that what you do is so powerful for women because it does kind of put that empowerment back. So yeah, I found that to be true all through my twenties and thirties so far, that having that financial power is really, really life-changing.
Tori Dunlap:
Do you think you being a business owner slash money in general was something that contributed to your divorce or your relationship ending?
Kristin Sweeting:
It’s hard to totally say. When I got married, I’m still really religious, I followed all the rules and we were really young. I changed a lot in my twenties, but also there was this tension. When I had my son, which was in 2015, we hit a lot of financial stress personally, and that was when I really started ramping up my business. I hired my first business coach. I leaned into, “Hey, life is hard, but it’s harder when we don’t have money, so let’s learn how to do this.” Not to share too much hard information at the same time, but I went through a miscarriage, had a high-risk pregnancy, the birth of my son and the death of my father all within nine months. You can imagine the medical bills when you’re self-employed, when you’re going through a high-risk pregnancy. My pregnancy costs 30 grand, the year before that I made 30 grand. How do people do this when they’re self-employed. So I really started getting the fire then.
The person that I had been earlier in my twenties, which thought money was bad and I had worked in nonprofits and I thought that if you made money, you just give it back to people. Kind of this little bit of a martyr complex, I think, I was a good person for not making money. A lot of that started changing as I got older and as I started realizing that I actually couldn’t take care of myself and my family without learning how to make more money and learning how to manage it. I really went through a big shift. I think sometimes when you make big shifts in a relationship, sometimes the person comes with you and sometimes they don’t. I also did a lot of shifts around boundaries and what I expected from a partner. So it did partially come down to that and expecting more of an equal partnership and then that not being a thing that was reciprocated necessarily.
Then I end up being 29-year-old single lady with a two-year-old, running a business and figuring out life, and really being able to rebuild a whole new foundation for my life through some of the things that I started learning and feeling empowered around, especially when it came to money and making money.
Tori Dunlap:
I think a lot of people go into divorce with someone that they love or used to love maybe, thinking, “You know what? We used to be married and we love each other, so we are going to figure this out together.” Your divorce was friendly to start and then flipped, which I think is a lot of people’s experience. Can you talk about that a little bit more?
Kristin Sweeting:
Yeah. I’m trying to think what I can say without it being too much.
Tori Dunlap:
Sure. But even just that experience or what it felt like. Because I think most people do walk in feeling optimistic of like, “Wow, we’re two adults. We respect each other. We share children or a child, we can do this in a respectful manner,” and then sometimes it just turns nasty.
Kristin Sweeting:
That was my experience, we went in both deciding that was what we wanted. We’re going to figure this out, we’ll still stay friends, we’ll co-parent. I think there was a rude awakening on his side potentially of just how much I was doing for our family. So I think there was a moment of like, “Oh, I actually don’t like this.” And setting boundaries and things like that sometimes are not taken well when someone’s not used to you having boundaries or asking for something. All in all through the whole thing, we still came to an agreement, we still co-parent my son. But having to readjust constantly… I hope if you’re listening to this and you’re going through something, you have a great team of people around you and you have a great therapist and-
Tori Dunlap:
Lawyers.
Kristin Sweeting:
Lawyers.
Tori Dunlap:
Get a good lawyer.
Kristin Sweeting:
Get a good lawyer. I really did try to put my son as the main thing to protect through all of it. I did not really fight about specific money things, I did not really fight about custody. We tried to mediate as much as possible and I ended up giving more money because of that, but to me, I was like, “I still have to co-parent with this person for 15 years or is it 17 years?” So as much as I can try to mediate or find a reasonable conclusion, what does end up happening in most cases is every single thing you have is split down the middle.
Tori Dunlap:
Right. So let’s talk about your house, because you bought a house out and then had to split your house.
Kristin Sweeting:
Yeah.
Tori Dunlap:
That fucking sucks.
Kristin Sweeting:
I know. I know. We’d bought a paid off house. We’d paid off a house. Actually, one of the things that I am still really proud of is a weird decision, we moved an hour outside of town and bought a really affordable house after we had lived more in the city and our property had gone up. Sometimes I think you have to make weird decisions to have a little jump ahead financially. So we moved out, we bought a house with cash and it was beautiful. Then when I got divorced, had to take out a mortgage and hand a big freaking check to someone else, which is a super odd experience too. I’m so proud of being able to stay in the same house, being able to take on the mortgage myself and be able to raise my son there for several years after that. I think that is another reason why I think this financial empowerment is important too, because it does kind of give you those options. And the house ended up being a really great asset for us too, that continued to grow.
Tori Dunlap:
One of the things that I think is unique to your situation but is interesting to talk about is, you’re a wedding photographer, and especially were at that time. So you were getting divorced and you’re surrounded by people in love getting married. Does that just suck? How does that feel?
Kristin Sweeting:
It’s a little disheartening at first.
Tori Dunlap:
Do you want to go up to all of them and be like, “Love is a lie, this is not real.”
Kristin Sweeting:
A little bit or just over analyzing, “I hope this person’s good to you.”
Tori Dunlap:
Right. Totally. “I hope you’ve talked about money. I hope you know what each person has and what they want.”
Kristin Sweeting:
“I hope you’ve managed money well.” It’s given me a different perspective on prenuptial agreements and everything like that.
Tori Dunlap:
Yeah. Is there some of those things that you wish you would’ve done? That’s a great question for folks listening. Do you wish that you would’ve done certain things financially to set yourself up if you knew the divorce was coming?
Kristin Sweeting:
When I got married, I was so young so we didn’t have anything, so it didn’t feel like a thing to have a prenup for. The thing that I have learned as someone who tends to not have enough boundaries that tends to be a people pleaser, is that the more clear you can be at the top of any kind of relationship, the better things will work out for you in the end. I got remarried in 2020 and even if they’re not official agreements sometimes, we have written out agreements about different things. I was very clear about expectations in a partnership and what happens if we have a kid and we split up. We’ve talked through all of that. I know a little bit is just my own past trauma, but I’ve found that in business too-
Tori Dunlap:
No, it’s smart.
Kristin Sweeting:
Well, yeah.
Tori Dunlap:
It’s smart.
Kristin Sweeting:
Because you really don’t know. When things go south, you’re not coming to the table with the best version of that person. You’re coming to the table with the version of someone who’s scared, who is stressed, who’s grieving-
Tori Dunlap:
Who’s in self-preservation mode. Yeah, totally.
Kristin Sweeting:
Who is angry. You can see sides of people that you didn’t even know existed. And any partnership or anything, business partnerships too, the more you can clarify something early on or in a good spot in your relationship, it’s like you’re taking care of each other when you’re in a good place, instead of waiting until you’re in the worst possible place when you don’t want to take care of each other. I think that gives people peace of mind, but it also holds an expectation of how you act in that relationship. Now I do it in a whole lot of different business partnerships and relationships and things too. And in my romantic relationship with might not seem very romantic, but there’s expectations of behavior and I think it’s good to voice them instead of not voice them and then get upset about something not being upheld.
Tori Dunlap:
What I wish more people understood about those kinds of conversations too, is that they almost are a form of insurance. You having the conversation or you getting the prenup, means that you probably are not going to have to use it because you are open and honest with each other about money and about hard things. It probably means you’re going to be able to move through difficult situations without needing to get divorced. Not all the time, of course, but I think that again, those conversations, honestly, you said they’re not very romantic. I think they’re sexy as hell, but I get it. It is just like, “No, we can come together and we can be honest with each other and we can also figure this out.” I think that’s so powerful. Again, it’s a type of insurance where you have the prenup, you’re probably not going to need to use it because you’ve already talked about what those expectations are, or you’ve set aside, “Yes, if we separate this is what’s going to happen and we both agreed to it.” I think that’s so smart and I recommend it for everybody listening too.
Kristin Sweeting:
Well, something that I’ve done recently too is, I still run a business and I brought some assets into my marriage. We didn’t do a prenup, we’re probably going to go back and do a post-nup, but at different times when our life has really changed, like we bought a house together or I took some money from my brokerage account and put it into our house to pay down our mortgage. When we made some of those bigger decisions, I was like, “Let’s agree what this is. Does this come back to me? Does it get split between the two of us?” I think as life changes too or as incomes change or one of you decides to be a stay at home parent, and all of those different seasons are good, I just think it’s good to kind of make some bullet points of what does this mean for us for the future? That’s brought a lot of peace in my current relationship too, because he wants to take care of me and I want to take care of him, and we’re making those decisions now for whatever comes down the road.
In my first marriage, in my first relationship, I didn’t have any of my own retirement accounts, because we assumed we would be together forever, so everything that was his was going to be mine so we put everything into his retirement accounts. It is still a marital asset, we split it when we split up, but I would at the very least going back if I was doing it all again, both have our own accounts and both make it clear that those stay with that person if anything happens. Because it’s something that you can contribute to, to your future safety, and I think it’s just a really nice clean, “You keep what you did, I keep what I did,” that kind of thing.
Tori Dunlap:
I think we see this a lot, especially in heteronormative relationships, is women contributing to the finances or contributing to the household, but they’re not getting compensated for it. That’s a perfect example of just the man in the relationship having the retirement accounts. A version of this I also see, is women not having their own credit card, but instead being an authorized user on their husband’s credit card. That doesn’t build your own credit score, your smart financial decisions using a credit card responsibly, that just builds his credit score. Anything else that you’re thinking about of, “Oh, I wish I would’ve done that differently,” or even red flags that now you would be like, “Oh, that wasn’t great.”?
Kristin Sweeting:
Being on the same page about money, having a similar vision, I think there were several different times where I thought we were on the same page, but maybe there was a random purchase made without talking about it when I thought we were moving towards a certain goal or something that was done that was a little bit sneaky. I think some of those things were earlier red flags and things that I think you can watch out for and have conversations around. It’s so interesting now being married again and resetting different things, is just coming to the table with shared goals, it’s so sexy, it’s so fun. And our money dates, our money conversations feel fun.
Tori Dunlap:
You’re on the same team.
Kristin Sweeting:
We’re on the same team. We’ve even passed back and forth the primary breadwinner position a couple of times. I got really burned out after 2020 and I said, “I need a little bit of a break.” So I was still working, but way less than I was previously, and he picked up the slack. I think there’s so many cool creative things you can do too when you get on the same page and get excited about where you’re going together.
Tori Dunlap:
What are your non-negotiables now?
Kristin Sweeting:
My non-negotiables now are both making an income. I spent a long time being the solo breadwinner throughout my life, and I think it just put a lot of pressure on me. I was excited to do it, but also I homeschool my son and do a lot of other things. So for me, a non-negotiable is, we’re both working in a job that we love, making an income. We contribute an amount that we agree on to our shared bank account to take care of different issues or to take care of all of our bills and things like that. Each having our own retirement accounts and brokerage accounts. We do a money date where we check in on money pretty regularly. I think just the respect of, if there’s a purchase above a certain amount, which that number has changed for us over the years, but you check if it’s over 200 or 100 or whatever your amount is, you check with each other. I’ll always have my own bank account too.
With your business, everything comes into a business account and then gets folded off through expenses and what I pay myself and a bonus. I’ll always do a bonus, I think those are amazing if you’re trying to freelance or run a business. But then from my own personal paycheck in this other account, I pay our family. So there’s kind of this agreement and this switch back and forth, instead of having it all messy, lumped together, what’s what, that kind of thing. So I’ll always have my own credit card and bank account and things like that too.
Tori Dunlap:
You had mentioned that you were co-parenting your son with your previous husband. How does this work? How do you do it in a way that feels sustainable for you, and how do you make sure that it’s also in line with how you’re managing your business and managing your finances?
Kristin Sweeting:
Co-parenting is really tricky and is hard, especially at the beginning. I think if it’s something that you’re going through, it gets better and eventually you find an equilibrium. For a while at the beginning when we first split up, my son was with me almost every day except for one day, and he was little, and so it was a lot. I was working from home, so I think at the time I was mostly working at night or I had weddings on the weekends. So I would coach people at night after my son went to bed, I started my podcast at night on the porch after my son went to bed. It really was just doing whatever worked at the time. Because I didn’t have family to help, I didn’t have extra childcare, and there was really only that one day where he was with his dad.
So really the good thing that came out of that, which is one of my core values of freedom, is you find the ways to design your time so that you’re making the most impact in your business. So for the past seven years, I’ve worked part-time running a multi-six figure business, and it’s just because I learned that you fill the time you have. So if you give yourself less time, you will use it, you’ll get it done. And if you give yourself more time, a lot of times the work expands into that time. I never saw that more than when I had a young child who I was single parenting. Because I could get all of my work done in these crazy small windows of time-
Tori Dunlap:
Couple hours. Yeah, totally.
Kristin Sweeting:
Oh my gosh. I don’t even know how I did it, but I did. That also helped me prioritize the 80/20 rule, which is essentially a lot of this happens in life, 80% of our effort is only providing 20% of our results, and 20% of our effort is yielding 80% of our results. When you figure out what the 80 and the 20 is, you can cut out a lot of the stuff that you’re doing that’s not making the biggest impact. That’s a rule that I use over and over again to allow myself still to have a lot of time with my family, a lot of time parenting, homeschooling, single parenting, whatever it was, and then really maximizing that time while working.
That was the first season of co-parenting. Later on we changed to a different system. I think it’s just so personal for each couple and personal for what people are able to do. You don’t always know until you’re going through it, I was surprised by a couple of different things and surprised how it shook out. But now we’ve had the same system for a while and it’s mostly good. It’s mostly good and it gets better over time. Obviously communication and sticking to those boundaries has been really key for that too.
Tori Dunlap:
How do you coach women moving into entrepreneurship to manage money with their partners?
Kristin Sweeting:
I think first having things really together for yourself, having your business in a good place. Have you read the Profit First book?
Tori Dunlap:
I know of it. It’s one of those that’s like, “I’ll read it eventually.” But yes.
Kristin Sweeting:
What I’ve taken from that is the folder system, so having a business account and moving things into an operations account and a taxes account and a bonus account and a paycheck account. I think just being able to go through and track your finances with your partner once a month, set really clear goals of… Setting the savings goals first and what that saving towards or what you’re investing for in the future, and then letting yourself have fun with this stuff that’s left over. I love to do a values exercise with people too, where you’re figuring out what your top core values are. We spent the last two years, I was mostly working part-time, my husband wasn’t working, and we traveled the world, world schooling my son. We spent a month in Colombia and South America. We spent a month in Paris, I spent a month in Europe.
We used our shared value of experience and connection and adventure and channel our money to that, and it was so fun. Because then when you take on an extra freelance project or you work a little extra one night, you’re so clear on why you’re doing it and it’s for this thing that you’re moving towards. We’ve also set some coast fire goals, coast fire is where you have an amount saved at a certain point in your life so that you don’t have to contribute much more to it at all, and then by the time your retirement age, it’s the number you need it to be. We recently hit our coast fire goal. We’ve just found it’s so fun now to talk about money together, because it means something really concrete for our life. I think that that’s why I love coaching women around it too, because I’m like, “This is not just a number. This is not just a compound interest calculator, this is freedom, this is creativity, this is connection, this is peace,” and it’s so much more fun that way.
Tori Dunlap:
That’s what I tell everybody, that’s the whole mission of my work is, it’s not, again, about numbers, it’s not really about money, it’s about using money as a tool.that’s exactly what you’ve done, is the ability to have enough money where you always feel like you can leave a situation you don’t want to be in. But in addition, while the situation is so beautiful and thriving and hopefully continues to be, you get to travel the world, you get to have that flexibility and those options, and you get to make sure that your retirement is going to be okay. I think all of that, I plus one all of that. You mentioned of course that a huge chunk of your business now is in coaching other entrepreneurs, especially women. Can you talk about what you teach, why, and maybe some of the most impactful things that you’ve seen your entrepreneurs be able to do?
Kristin Sweeting:
One of our main frameworks is a four pillar framework that is four different pillars of your creative business. It’s your main stars, which is the main thing that you’re offering, so photography or if you’re a musician or if you are a painter, maybe it’s your artwork, so your main star. The retainer project, I call it meat and potatoes. It’s like you have a retainer, there’s something that is maybe not the sexiest work that you do, not the stuff that you put on the front page of your website, but it’s really good work and it keeps that really steady stream of revenue coming for you, so the meat and potatoes. The enhancers, so things that you can sell to your current clients, the people that are doing the main stars and the retainer, so things that are going to enhance what you’re already doing. And then PJ profits, which I know you agree with me here too, everyone should have a digital asset, something that they’re selling, something that they’re able to create some more passive income with or something that is operating without you getting up and working.
Those four pillars really have protected me through a lot and have allowed me to go through a divorce and a lot of things in the world while navigating a lot of different stuff. So the other pillars really kicked in during Covid when all the weddings were canceled and we had stuff that was supporting our business. I love to encourage women to think entrepreneurially about what they’re doing, no matter what your passion is. There’s so many ways that you can create revenue streams from that thing. For a while I was coaching at a university and was talking with nursing students and I’m like, “You can build so much around this career too, in a way that supports your future goals.” Pricing is definitely a big thing we talk about. Our last call I was really going for the investing, because going back to what I said before, I had two or three really good years in business, but because I was able to invest the extra-
Tori Dunlap:
You had something to show for it.
Kristin Sweeting:
For life. I think it’s really that whole approach of knowing how to build a bunch of different revenue streams into your business, but also knowing what to do with the money when it comes in. Which is why your show is so important and the work that you do with women so important, because it really can take some of that burden of having to work forever and ever off of you.
Tori Dunlap:
One of the things that our producer Kristen told me about that you do, which is so cool, are the study abroad experiences. Tell me what that is. This sounds so fun.
Kristin Sweeting:
Oh my gosh. Did you ever study abroad in college?
Tori Dunlap:
I did.
Kristin Sweeting:
Where did you go?
Tori Dunlap:
I did. I went to Ireland and it is still one of my favorite places in the entire world, in Galway on the West Coast. I love it there.
Kristin Sweeting:
Oh my gosh. I did a Maymester in Greece when I was in college.
Tori Dunlap:
Lovely.
Kristin Sweeting:
My only regret from college is not living somewhere for a year or going longer.
Tori Dunlap:
Yeah, I did a semester
Kristin Sweeting:
So good, right? Travel opens up your eyes to different perspectives, different ways of living. So study abroad workshops were really based off that, it was like study abroad for adults. So people who are doing something creative, we go and we learn in nature, we do tourist activities, we have workshops around business, very mastermind style, so you’re getting to talk with other women, other creatives who are doing cool things, and we’re having these business conversations while we’re having a picnic in front of the Eiffel Tower or learning about something in Norway. It’s cool to get to see people push themselves outside their comfort zone, because travel is that alone. For a lot of people, if you haven’t traveled by yourself before or haven’t been to a different country, we did a big zip line down a mountain on our last trip and seeing people push past that fear of zip-lining down this whole thing.
Then it really does translate into your life and your business in cool ways, because empowerment in one area of your life impacts all the other areas of life. When I stood up in my relationship all those years ago, it impacted everything else I’ve been able to do since then, because it showed me that I have a voice, I’m powerful, I can trust myself, things are going to work out even if they’re not exactly how I thought they were going to work out. We see that with these trips too, is that when people push themselves out of their comfort zone, their life really is impacted in all these different ways.
Tori Dunlap:
I opened a new tab. They’re going to Paris and Greece this year, in case you are interested. It looks pretty fucking fun. This looks so cool.
Kristin Sweeting:
It is. Oh my gosh. They’re so fun. Well, the other thing I was remembering recently is, when you are running a business or you’re designing your life in some cool ways, I’ve pulled a lot of inspiration from places I’ve traveled.
Tori Dunlap:
Totally.
Kristin Sweeting:
France and Europe, a lot of them take a whole month off in the summer to travel, so we started building in a month long summer sabbatical to our business. We take a summer sabbatical, we shut down our programs, I don’t book weddings. It’s been fun because a lot of our community has started to do the same thing. Or a four-day work week. There’s just different things that I’ve been able to borrow from different cultures. I think that’s one of the really amazing things about getting to travel and see the world, you get to be inspired by different ways of living outside of what we’re used to.
Tori Dunlap:
We do a version of that here where we do a week off a quarter, so it ends up being a month and then some-
Kristin Sweeting:
I love that.
Tori Dunlap:
Before you’ve ever taken PTO or anything else happens. Same thing, went to Europe and was like, “Every single European country has their version of a siesta.” The French take a long lunch, the Spanish go and nap. It’s like, “Oh, man. Okay.” It’s really, you work to live not the other way around.
Kristin Sweeting:
Is there anything else you’ve picked up from traveling that you have built into your business or your routine?
Tori Dunlap:
Oh, that’s a good question. Let me think. A lot of my own life, most definitely. I am always so in awe of how kind people are and how generous the world is when you travel. Because I think especially right now in the United States, it’s very easy to be like, “Everything sucks and everyone’s terrible.” Then you get stranded somewhere and someone is really kind to you or someone asks where you’re from because can tell you’re a tourist. It’s just really nice. And people, I think are mostly very, very kind and very, very generous and I think travel is the perfect reminder of that. Also, I think that the best thing anybody can do to just understand others and open up your own mind is to get in a culture that isn’t yours and to be tested and challenged and positive ways. So no, travel’s my fucking favorite. It’s the thing I love to do.
It’s also just a new environment. There’s been tons of studies, of course, that have showed that your brain in a new environment shows up differently. Even if you can’t travel to another country, it’s going to a new coffee shop 20 minutes away that you’ve never been to before, it’s going on a road trip to the next state over. I lived in New York for about two months and then LA for a month, I did a year of digital nomad and then two months in Europe. It was very much, it was just new environment, new routine in a really, really healthy way. It’s my favorite.
Kristin Sweeting:
Did you feel like different parts of your brain lit up in different places or different parts of your personality?
Tori Dunlap:
A hundred percent, Kristin.
Kristin Sweeting:
Yeah.
Tori Dunlap:
New York, I love New York. I’m literally flying out tomorrow to go again, and I usually go a couple of times a year. And New York, me, I love her. She also could not be 24/7, 365 me, because I would burn out. The dream is to probably live in New York for half the year and then Seattle for half the year or some sort of split, or Europe for threes. Split into thirds. But I love going there, because the energy is infectious, it feels very, very different. So ambitious me hangs out in New York and chill, quiet me, hangs out back home in Seattle.
Kristin Sweeting:
I love it. I love it. I feel that way too. I have a European Kristin and she is great.
Tori Dunlap:
Oh, yeah.back when I was single, too European me, it was very fun. It was very fun. Because you’re just like, “Who is this hot Frenchman? Sure, I’ll flirt with this guy. Nothing matters. It’s fine. I’m not going to see him again. Sure. Great.”
Kristin Sweeting:
Yeah, totally.
Tori Dunlap:
Okay, my last question for you, if you could go back before the divorce happened, how would you prepare yourself differently and what are you glad you did during the divorce?
Kristin Sweeting:
Yes. Let’s see. One thing I’m glad we did before we got divorced, was really worked hard to pay off debt. That definitely made things easier. One thing I wish I had done just in life in general, was build an adult team. You don’t get a lawyer until you’re in legal trouble and you don’t get a medical team until you’re sick and all these things-
Tori Dunlap:
It’s not preventive, it’s reactive.
Kristin Sweeting:
Then some of the biggest stress of things I’ve gone through that like a divorce or legal things or medical things, a big part of the stress is having to build your team while you’re-
Tori Dunlap:
Right. “Who’s the right person to talk to?”
Kristin Sweeting:
Oh my gosh.
Tori Dunlap:
“Are they more expensive than someone else that I could…” Yeah, totally.
Kristin Sweeting:
I think having a team of advisors earlier in my life is something that I regret not doing for the divorce, but also just for life. Then something I’m glad I did. I’m glad I held really strong boundaries, I’m glad I did build a team when I did, and I’m glad that I really did, I changed my whole life to support the kind of parent I wanted to be through that experience. I’m so proud of the ways I changed my business to be the best parent I could in a really difficult situation. Sometimes I’m like, “What would I have done if I had more time? What would my business be?” I think so much of my inspiration and so much of what happened came from this deep love for my son, and I don’t know that I would be in a better place now if it hadn’t been for that.
I’m really proud of being able to adapt and really create the life that I’m so in love with through that really hard experience. I think if you’re listening to this and either wondering about divorce or you’re going through it, I hope you just feel so empowered to design a life that is going to serve you really well going forward. There’s so many options in our world right now, which is kind of nice. I think the black and white thinking of you can either be a good mom or have a job, or you can either be this or be that, I think there’s so much proof that we can shatter those black and white thinking and create something new.
Tori Dunlap:
Kristin, thank you for your vulnerability. Thank you for coming on the show. Plug away my friend. Where can people find out more about you and your work?
Kristin Sweeting:
Well, I would love to meet anybody. I am mostly on Instagram @kristinsweeting and Kristensweeting.com for all of my photography stuff. dangerschool.com is all of our coaching and trips, and so if you want to travel with us, we would love to see you in Paris or Greece or wherever we go next.
Tori Dunlap:
Study Abroad sounds so fun. Oh my gosh, thank you. Thanks for being here.
Kristin Sweeting:
Thanks.
Tori Dunlap:
Thank you so much to Kristin for joining us. You can find her work at dangerschool.com, including her incredible adult study abroad programs, doesn’t that sound fun? Dangerschool.com/study-abroad. You can find her work at Kristin, K-R-I-S-T-I-N, Sweeting.com. Thank you as always for being here. We really appreciate you sharing this episode with maybe someone navigating divorce right now or just in the thick of it, because they really need the support from you and from some education to know how to get through it, how to navigate it, what to do, what to avoid. We really appreciate you sharing the episode with someone in your life who could use it. Thank you for being here, as always, Financial Feminists. We appreciate the shit out of you, and we’ll talk to you very soon. Bye.
Thank you for listening to Financial Feminist, a Her First $100K podcast. Financial Feminist is hosted by me, Tori Dunlap, produced by Kristen Fields and Tamisha Grant. Researched by Sarah Sciortino. Audio and video Engineering by Alyssa Midcalf. Marketing and Operations by Karina Patel and Amanda Leffew. Special thanks to our team at Her First 100K, Kailyn Sprinkle, Masha Bakhmetyeva, Taylor Chou, Sasha Bonar, Rae Wong, Elizabeth McCumber, Claire Kurronen, Daryl Ann Ingram and Meghan Walker. Promotional graphics by Mary Stratton. Photography by Sarah Wolfe. And theme music by Jonah Cohen Sound.
A huge thanks to the entire Her First $100K community for supporting the show. For more information about Financial Feminist, Her First $100K, our guests and episode show notes, visit financialfeministpodcast.com. If you’re confused about your personal finances and you’re wondering where to start, go to herfirsthundredk.com/quiz for a free personalized money plan.
Tori Dunlap
Tori Dunlap is an internationally-recognized money and career expert. After saving $100,000 at age 25, Tori quit her corporate job in marketing and founded Her First $100K to fight financial inequality by giving women actionable resources to better their money. She has helped over five million women negotiate salaries, pay off debt, build savings, and invest.
Tori’s work has been featured on Good Morning America, the New York Times, BBC, TIME, PEOPLE, CNN, New York Magazine, Forbes, CNBC, BuzzFeed, and more.
With a dedicated following of over 2.1 million on Instagram and 2.4 million on TikTok —and multiple instances of her story going viral—Tori’s unique take on financial advice has made her the go-to voice for ambitious millennial women. CNBC called Tori “the voice of financial confidence for women.”
An honors graduate of the University of Portland, Tori currently lives in Seattle, where she enjoys eating fried chicken, going to barre classes, and attempting to naturally work John Mulaney bits into conversation.
