There’s a sentence I hear from women more than almost any other: “I’m bad with money.”
Today’s guest spent six years proving that sentence isn’t a fact — it’s a belief, and beliefs can change.
In his new book, Beyond Belief, he digs into why the words that follow “I am” are so dangerous, and why getting comfortable with discomfort is the real skill behind almost every financial win. We get into identity, self-trust, why you can’t see your own limiting beliefs (but can spot everyone else’s), and the research that proves belief can override biology. This one will change how you talk to yourself about money.
Key takeaways
“I’m bad with money” is a belief, not a fact
Nir draws a hard line between facts (objective, unchangeable), faith (conviction that doesn’t require evidence), and beliefs (convictions that are open to revision). Most of what we treat as financial fact — “I’m bad with money,” “I’ll never get out of debt” — is actually just a belief we picked up somewhere and never questioned. The good news: beliefs can change. The bad news: most of us never even question them.
You can’t see your own limiting beliefs — you need a mirror
Just like you can’t see your own face without a reflection, you can’t see your own limiting beliefs without something outside yourself. You can spot everyone else’s self-sabotage instantly, but yours feels like fact instead of belief. That’s exactly why external tools — journaling, coaching, community, even a podcast episode like this one — matter.
Your brain isn’t trying to make you rich. It’s trying to keep you alive
Evolutionarily, the safest thing your brain can do is keep doing exactly what it did yesterday. That’s why limiting beliefs (“this is too hard,” “people like me don’t do this”) show up right when you’re about to try something new — it’s not a character flaw, it’s your nervous system doing its very old job.
Naming a systemic barrier isn’t the same as using it as a permanent excuse
Tori and Nir get into something we talk about constantly on this show: yes, women face real systemic barriers — the wage gap, a lack of financial education, generational debt. All of that is true, and none of it is your fault. But the piece that is in your control still has to be taken seriously. Both things can be true at once.
Manifesting has a research problem — mental contrasting works better
Nir cites research showing that visualizing only the end goal — the big bank account, the beach body — actually makes people less likely to do the work to get there. What works instead: visualizing the hard moment (the friend group ordering another round, the market dropping) and rehearsing what you’ll tell yourself when it gets uncomfortable.
Persistence beats intelligence, luck, and skill — every time
Nir points to research showing the single biggest predictor of whether someone hits their goals isn’t intelligence or resources. It’s whether they quit. “Persistence doesn’t guarantee success, but quitting guarantees failure.”
Notable quotes
“The most dangerous words in the English language is whatever comes after ‘I am.'”
“The belief I hear most often from women is, ‘I’m bad with money.’ And I think that is one of the most expensive sentences that women tell themselves.”
“It’s not that we don’t know what to do. We basically know what to do. It’s that we quit far too soon than is good for us.”
Episode at-a-glance
00:00 Intro
03:00 Facts vs. beliefs vs. faith
05:00 Identity and the danger of “I am” statements
06:00 Belief can override biology
09:00 Self-trust and building your own track record
12:00 The evolutionary reason your brain resists change
16:00 The mindset shift behind getting comfortable with discomfort
22:00 Byron Katie’s four questions for examining a belief
26:00 Building a “portfolio of perspectives”
30:00 Naming systemic barriers without using them as an excuse
33:00 Choosing the belief that serves you
35:00 Locus of control — why believing you have agency changes outcomes
42:00 Challenging your thinking without tipping into toxic positivity
44:00 Why manifesting backfires (and what works instead)
49:00 Mental contrasting
52:00 Why chaos and struggle mean you’re alive
54:00 Tori’s own story of choosing to feel pain instead of avoiding it
55:00 The rat study — how belief in possible rescue changes persistence
1:00:00 Persistence over intelligence — the real predictor of success
Thanks to Rocket Money for sponsoring this episode!
Thanks to BetterHelp for sponsoring this episode!
Nir’s Links:
Free Belief Change Guide: www.nirandfar.com/beyond-belief-live
30-Day Belief Transformation Journal: nirandfar.com/beyond-belief
Website: http://nirandfar.com
LinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/in/nireyal/
Instagram – http://instagram.com/nireyal
Learn the exact strategies to save money, pay off debt, improve your money mindset, and increase your net worth. Get your personalized plan: https://herfirst100k.com/ffpod.
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Meet Nir
NIR EYAL is a globally recognized authority on behavior change and human potential. His frameworks have empowered millions to build better habits, enhance focus, and unlock greater agency in their lives and work. A former lecturer at the Stanford Graduate School of Business and the Hasso Plattner Institute of Design at Stanford, Nir has collaborated with leaders and organizations worldwide to boost performance through behavior design.
He is the New York Times bestselling author of the international bestsellers Hooked: How to Build Habit-Forming Products and Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life, which have sold over one million copies in more than 30 languages. Hooked was a finalist for the 2014 Goodreads Choice Awards. Indistractable won the 2019 Outstanding Works of Literature (OWL) Award and was named one of the Best Business & Leadership Books of the Year by Amazon, Audible, and The Globe and Mail. His third book, Beyond Belief: The Science-Backed Way to Stop Limiting Yourself and Achieve Breakthrough, became an instant New York Times best-seller and reveals how to identify and replace the hidden beliefs that define our limits.
As a seasoned entrepreneur and angel investor, Nir has backed multi-billion-dollar companies, including Canva, Kahoot!, and others. In addition to blogging at NirAndFar.com, his writing has been featured in The New York Times, Harvard Business Review, The Atlantic, and Psychology Today. For over 25 years, he has worked alongside his wife and business partner, Julie Li.
Transcript:
Thank you as always for being here, Financial Feminist. We can’t wait to see you in our free investing workshop. Again, that’s at herfirsthundredk.com/secrets. We’re talking about all of the secrets of the stock market, debunking all of the myths to make you a successful investor. So we’ll see you in our Secrets workshop soon. Thanks for being here. Thanks for supporting Feminist Media, and we’ll see you soon. Bye.
Thank you for listening to Financial Feminist, a Her First Hundred K podcast.
For more information about Financial Feminist, Her First Hundred K, our guests and episode show notes, visit financialfeministpodcast.com.
If you’re confused about your personal finances and you’re wondering where to start, go to herfirsthundredk.com/quiz for a free personalized money plan. Financial Feminist is hosted by me, Tori Dunlap, produced by Kristen Fields and Tamisha Grant, research by Sarah Shortino, audio and video Engineering by Alyssa Midcalf, marketing and operations by Carina Patel and Amanda Lefue. Special thanks to our team at Her First Hundred K. Kalen Sprinkle, Masha Bakhmikieva, Sasha Bonar, Ray Wong, Elizabeth McCumber, Daryl Ann Ingman, Shelby Duclos, Megan Walker, and Jess Hawks. Promotional graphics by Mary Stratton, photography by Sarah Wolf, and theme music by Jonah Cohen Sound. A huge thanks to the entire Her First Hundred $100K community for supporting our show.
Tori Dunlap:
Thank you for listening to Financial Feminists, produced by Her First $100K. If you love the show and want to keep supporting feminist media, please subscribe or follow us on your preferred podcasting platform or on YouTube. Your support helps us continue to bring this content to you for free. If you’re looking for resources, tools, and education, including all of the resources mentioned in this episode, head to http://herfirst100k.com/ffpod.
Financial Feminist is hosted by me, Tori Dunlap. Produced by Kristen Fields and Tamisha Grant. Research by Sarah Sciortino. Audio and video engineering by Alyssa Midcalf. Marketing and Operations by Karina Patel and Amanda Leffew. Special thanks to our team at Her First 100K, Kailyn Sprinkle, Masha Bakhmetyeva, Sasha Bonar, Rae Wong, Elizabeth McCumber, Daryl Ann Ingman, Shelby Duclos, Meghan Walker, and Jess Hawks. Promotional graphics by Mary Stratton, photography by Sarah Wolfe, and theme music by Jonah Cohen Sound. A huge thanks to the entire Her First 100K community for supporting our show.
Tori Dunlap
Tori Dunlap is an internationally-recognized money and career expert. After saving $100,000 at age 25, Tori quit her corporate job in marketing and founded Her First $100K to fight financial inequality by giving women actionable resources to better their money. She has helped over five million women negotiate salaries, pay off debt, build savings, and invest.
Tori’s work has been featured on Good Morning America, the New York Times, BBC, TIME, PEOPLE, CNN, New York Magazine, Forbes, CNBC, BuzzFeed, and more.
With a dedicated following of over 2.1 million on Instagram and 2.4 million on TikTok —and multiple instances of her story going viral—Tori’s unique take on financial advice has made her the go-to voice for ambitious millennial women. CNBC called Tori “the voice of financial confidence for women.”
An honors graduate of the University of Portland, Tori currently lives in Seattle, where she enjoys eating fried chicken, going to barre classes, and attempting to naturally work John Mulaney bits into conversation.
