What if your thirties were about impressing yourself instead of others?
In this episode, Tori gets real about the shift in priorities that comes with entering a new decade, reflecting on everything from financial independence and self-care to setting boundaries. She encourages listeners to stop apologizing for their choices and start building a life that aligns with their values. Whether you’re navigating your twenties or already thinking ahead, this episode is packed with insights that will inspire you to take control of your finances and well-being with confidence and purpose.
Key takeaways:
Prioritize health for the long term
Tori shares how she’s now putting her physical health first — investing in a personal trainer and making conscious choices around sleep and wellness are part of her strategy to ensure her body can carry her through the next decades.
The importance of a will and life insurance
Whether you’re a multimillionaire or just starting out, having a will is about taking care of the people you love and ensuring your financial legacy is clear. She encourages listeners to prioritize this often-overlooked aspect of financial planning.
Setting boundaries is crucial
Tori shares her strategies for finding joy outside of her business and how she’s learning to separate her identity from her work. This includes thinking ahead about the potential of stepping back from her CEO role while still maintaining her presence in the company.
Notable quotes
“Let your thirties be about impressing yourself. Do the things you actually want to do and then don’t apologize for it.”
“I will always say that your financial goals should be about protecting current you and future you, and then paying for past you.”
“I sacrificed a lot of my health to build this company, and I’m not willing to do that again. Now I’m focused on my own health and my life outside of work.”
Episode at-a-glance
00:00 Welcome & Free Money Personality Quiz
01:00 Managing Money Differently in Your 30s
02:45 Stop Apologizing for Your Purchases
06:00 Prioritize New Financial Goals
07:00 Navigating Money With a Partner
08:00 Investing in Your Health
10:00 Why Health Spending Pays Off Long-Term
13:30 Adjusting Your Investment Strategy
14:30 Financial Independence & Living Off Investments
15:00 Setting Better Work-Life Boundaries
16:45 Why You Need a Will and Life Insurance
19:00 Business Planning & What’s Coming Next
20:00 Final Thoughts & How Your Money Shifts by Decade
Thanks to Rocket Money for sponsoring this episode!
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Transcript:
Tori: [00:00:00] If you’re struggling to figure out where to start with your financial journey, if you’re so overwhelmed and you’re just like, I need the step-by-step plan and mentorship from you, Tori, well great. You can go to her first hundred k.com/ff pod to take our free money personality quiz.
We’re gonna ask you about six questions. We’re gonna see where you’re at in your financial journey. This is not like a pass fail thing, I just wanna know where you’re at, then we’ll deliver resources catered to exactly where you are in your financial journey.
The quiz takes less than two minutes and it’s the perfect place to kickstart your financial goals and get a financial plan personalized to you. Again, that’s her first hundred k.com/ff pod, and we’ll send over your free personalized money plan. We’ll see you there
Speaker: hello. If you’re an oldie but a goodie, welcome back to the show, and if you’re new here, hi, my name is Tori, and I am a multimillionaire, and I fight the patriarchy by making you rich.
If you wanna do something nice today for us because this is a great show and we put a lot of effort into it you can subscribe. That’s the easiest thing you can do to support us and to make sure that we can get good guests. It’s just hitting that one little button.
And if you want extra credit, you can turn on auto downloads and maybe [00:01:00] listen to another episode after this. We would really appreciate it. I just turned 30, I don’t know if I have any grand massive takeaways about my 30s and a new decade yet. I don’t think it really feels real yet, haven’t, like, had a lot of time ’cause I’ve been working a lot to, like, really sit with it. But today we’re talking about the things that I am planning on doing differently in my 30s, or things I’m thinking more about, especially when it comes to money and how I’m gonna manage it in this next decade of my life.
We talk a lot on this show, of course, about how personal finance is personal. I say that in my book, I say that here a lot, and I think that any sort of marker of success can sometimes be helpful, but it’s usually just, like, very shameful. And that’s why you won’t hear me say a lot on this show things like, “You should have X amount of money saved by the time you’re 30,” or, “You should be making X amount of money when you’re 45.
You should be spending Z [00:02:00] amount of money every month on your rent,” because everybody’s life is different. Everybody’s financial goals are different. Yet there’s, I think, a couple crucial tasks or mindset switches that are really, really important as you transition into your 30s and beyond that y- maybe wasn’t a priority to you in your 20s, and that also y- you maybe didn’t have to think about as much just because it wasn’t as relevant to you.
So today I’m talking about a couple of the things, both personally that I am thinking about with my money into my 30s, and some of the things that I would encourage you to think about, too. So whether you are late 20s or you’re in their 30s, here’s a great guidebook, let’s say, for you as you transition into your 30s.
Okay, the first one, I’m giving less fucks about what people think of my purchases. You know me though, I haven’t given fucks about that really ever, but I think as you get into [00:03:00] 30, your 30s, you start setting better boundaries around everything, and you start realizing, like, who you truly are and what you wanna spend your money on.
And I think if your 20s are about impressing people or were about impressing people, let your 30s be about impressing yourself. Like, do the things you actually wanna do, and then don’t apologize for it. You wanna buy a sewing machine and that feels grandma, but you know you’re gonna love it? Great. I think for me, actually one of the biggest transitions I’ve had when I started to make more money is, like, the designer pull.
It’s just, I think, with social media and, like, you know, rich bitch culture, there’s this draw of purchasing a bunch of designer goods because I can now afford to do that, and let me tell you, I tried that. I tried buying- Versace sunglasses. And I have them and they’re cool looking, but it didn’t give me the joy that I think a lot of other people feel.
Like, there is a certain type, type of person that is like, “Oh my God, [00:04:00] I have saved for five years for this Dior bag.” I, I don’t feel that way. That’s just not … I I’m really hard on my stuff. Like, that’s just not what I love. But I have figured out the purchase that I absolutely love, and that is, like, luxury hotels.
And most of them I do it on credit card points, which is great, ’cause I don’t even have to pay my own real money. But I research the hotel beforehand. I’m, like, going on and I’m, like, tickly tackly, and I’m like, “Ooh, what’s the spa look like, and what are the pillows made out of?” And, uh, like, this is literally me, and I’m checking the amenities weeks before, and then I’ve checked all of them and I’m still checking them two days before.
And, like, that level of excitement for me is I think what a lot of people feel about getting the Chanel purse. But that’s not me. I, I, that’s not my level of excitement. And I think again, th- the frivolous spending, right? We’re told basically anything that we want or desire as women is frivolous, so, like, [00:05:00] just, just buy the thing you want.
Make sure you can afford it, right? Make sure you’ve saved responsibly, don’t be putting this on a credit card and you can’t afford it. But give less fucks about your purchases. If you love it and you know you’re gonna get joy out of it, there is no need to justify it to anybody else. And also find the thing that feels luxurious to you.
Maybe that is a designer good, maybe that’s, you know, a really nice car, maybe that is beautiful home goods. This is not sponsored, but, Boll & Branch sent me, some of their sheets. Oh my God, divine, incredible. They’re $700 sheets. I probably would have paid my own money for these sheets, ’cause they’re that incredible.
Like, I think that you have to find the thing that you love and that feels luxurious to you, and don’t feel like you need to buy it to impress anybody else, don’t feel like you have to justify it to anybody else. Give less fucks about the things that you spend your money on. Okay. Number two, it might be time to prioritize new goals.
I just think when you’re [00:06:00] 30, you know, you start, again, figuring out what you want and you might have new priorities, right?
You might want to become a homeowner or want to pursue that. You might want to consider children. You might wanna do neither of those things and just figure out how to grow your wealth. But I think transitioning into your 30s, again, your priorities change, you get more focused about what you want, and therefore your financial goals may shift too I will always say that, you know, your financial goals should always be about protecting current you and future you, and then paying for past you.
And what I mean by that is, you know, an emergency fund, s- investing for retirement to protect future you, your current goals, you know, a budget to make sure that you’re not overspending and that your purchases are aligned with what you want. And then past you, paying off your debt, paying off your student loans, your car, your mortgage, any credit card debt that you have.
So I feel like as I’m transitioning into my 30s, I’m thinking a lot, again, what do I truly want? Where [00:07:00] do I want my money to go? What do I wanna spend my money on? And in your 30s, you’re gonna figure out how your goals and perspective shifts. I think especially as you start bringing new or different people into your life, I know some people get married in their 20s, I’m obviously not that person, but I have a serious partner now, and we’re starting to have conversations about what we want our life to look like.
Where do we wanna live? What do we wanna do? You know, how much do I wanna keep working on this business? And, you know, can I create a kind of business that allows me to step away more often? And so those are a lot of the conversations that I’m starting to have because I am doing life now with somebody else.
I am not just 100% the sole decision maker anymore. If I wanna spend six months in New York living from there, well, that causes significant strain on my romantic relationship. So it’s just all these things that you have to think about that are new, exciting [00:08:00] challenges. Number three, I personally had a whole crisis w- when I was leading up to my 30th birthday because I have chronic pain, because I have back problems, because the titties are too big and cause a bunch of health complications for me, and I’ve also gained a lot of weight in the past two years.
That’s the side effect of running a stressful business. I think that was 100% the reason I gained weight was this business that I love so much, it caused me a shit ton of stress, and my hormone levels are a little crazy. And so as I approached turning 30, and as I think about the rest of this decade, I, I just really wanna prioritize my health.
I really wanna make sure that I am not sacrificing my mental or physical health to succeed, to accomplish my goals. I have family members who have unfortunately let their health go and are now paying [00:09:00] for it later. They can’t walk. They have, again, significant pain and multiple surgeries for things that were largely preventable.
I’m spending a lot more money and a lot more time and a lot more of my energy thinking about my sleep, thinking about my Physical health, I got a personal trainer, and she’s incredible. We went to high school together. I will link her down below. Shameless plug. She’s incredible. She’s a Black woman. She works here in Seattle and T- and Tacoma, and, and if you’re looking for somebody, she’s a great person to go to.
But that was an intentional choice, and it was in true investment. It was a little bit of money, but it’s not just about now, it’s about protecting my, my muscles and my bones and my energy so I can show up for myself and show up for my team and do all of the things I wanna do. Because, man, I want the next 30 years to be as kickass as these [00:10:00] first 30 were, and I need a healthy body to do that.
I think that focusing on your health, even if it does feel pricey, expensive, that’s something that pays off. That’s something that even I can see … I think we’ve done probably about 10 sessions together, and even my partner the other day, literally, like two days ago, was like, “I can see a difference in, like, your legs and your butt.
Like, they look more toned. I can see a difference.” And, like, seeing is great, right? Especially from your partner. That’s fantastic. But I think that I wanna feel better. It’s not about getting skinny for me. It’s not about, you know, I don’t weigh myself. It’s not about that. It’s about making sure that I have a healthy enough body to live in for the rest of my life.
And, um, I unfortunately sacrificed a lot of that to build the company and to, you know, do all of the things I wanted to do, including write and launch a book. And so I’m just focused on my health now, and I would encourage you to think about that as well, and would [00:11:00] also love to know anything that you’re doing to consciously focus on that.
You also just can’t get away with as much. Like, if you’re out drinking in your 20s, you are much more resilient the next day. If you don’t get a good night’s sleep, you’re pretty fine. If, you know, you eat a lot of bad food, it’s just not the same. I feel my body is different. It doesn’t rebound as quickly.
And I think my goal for my 30s is to be in really, really good shape, to the point where, you know, I’m consciously taking care of myself and also lifting fucking heavy things and continually impressing and surprising myself. The last thing I’ll say about health is that you do also realize if you want certain things, you’re gonna have to sacrifice others.
And I know that sounds so obvious, but I think as I’ve aged, and as I’m [00:12:00] going into my 30s, one of the things I’m really conscious about … Okay, if I know that I have a big day tomorrow or I w- I have goals I wanna get done tomorrow, I can’t stay up till midnight doing something else fun. And then there’s some times where I’m willing to stay up till 12:00 For me, that’s, that’s late.
Even, like, 11:30 is late. That’s late, but it has consequences later. So you have to figure out when are you okay with those consequences, and when are you like, “Actually, I’m gonna make the, like, smart adult choice”? Because again, when you were 20, you could have your cake and eat it, too, and you can’t anymore.
And I think that’s something that’s so, so, so crucial about aging, is that, you know, okay, I wanna have a really good day tomorrow. I wanna poop regularly. I want to have enough energy. It means that I have to make strategic decisions. And, you know, I’m coming to you on this podcast a little tired, and that was partially because I said I was gonna go to bed at 10:00 and literally was in bed.
I was in bed at 10:00 and ready to [00:13:00] go, and then I sat on my phone for an hour, and I regretted it. Uh, even as it happened, I was just like, “Go to bed,” and then I didn’t actually make that commitment to myself, and now I’m paying for it. So, you know, that’s the trade-off, I think, with your health, too, is, like, you realize you can’t do all the fun stuff if it means that you get to do fun stuff tomorrow.
My fourth thing, investing strategies. You’re getting a little older. You might wanna optimize a little more. The rule of 110 is w- how … a general rule where we figure out what percentage of our portfolio should be in stocks versus bonds. So you take 110 minus your age, so I’d be 110 minus 30, which would be 80.
So 80% of my portfolio should be stocks, and 20% should be bonds. And then as you age, you wanna optimize that, right? So as you age, you want your investments in potentially less risky places because you wanna keep more of your money, right? You wanna make sure that you’re protecting your retirement. So that’s one thing that I, you know, will [00:14:00] be more strategic about in this next decade.
I also am just focused on if, you know, I’m realizing, okay, I don’t wanna work this hard forever. What sort of investing do I need to do, like literally investing in the stock market do I need to do in order to potentially not work, and be able to potentially even live off of my investments? And this is, you know, what we call the financial independence movement, which is getting to a point where you are good on just the amount of money you have invested.
And so I think that that is one thing I’m also thinking about more as I age, is, you know, uniquely for me, who already has hit my financial independence number, at what point do I n- need to start taking this money out? I think I’ve got a while. I don’t think it’s gonna happen anytime soon, but it’s in the back of my mind as I’m, as I’m aging and thinking about that.
My fifth one is just work-life balance. I mean, it’s a myth. We all know that, like, that’s a myth. That’s [00:15:00] not, it’s not real. But- My boundaries around my business have gotten a lot stronger even in the last six months or a year, for all of the reasons I’ve already outlined. I sacrificed my health, I sacrificed a lot of things in order to build this company, and I’m not willing to do that again.
And so now I’m really focused on my own health, my life outside of work. The past two weeks I’ve gone swimming in Lake Washington I think, like, six times, and it’s been blissful, even if it was just for 20 minutes, and those sort of experiences I wanna keep having. it’s so easy to tie my identity to work, especially when I walk down the street and I get recognized and it’s, “Oh, hey, you’re Her First 100K.”
My identity is the business that I run to a lot of people, and it’s very easy for me, as myself, to start believing that. And whether you run a business or you, you know, of course you care about your work, it’s probably the same for you, too. So I’m trying to find other identities outside of HFK, [00:16:00] outside of the work that I do, you know, and I think that is very, very difficult in a society that constantly demands you and your career be completely enmeshed and intertwined.
So it’s a fun challenge that I’m looking forward to developing even more as I went through this decade, and I’m so much happier for setting boundaries. Like, I care about this business so much and so deeply, and I haven’t lost my ambition, but I’m slowly building other things that I’m just as proud of or that I enjoy doing just as much that allow me to forget about the business for a while, and I wanna do more of those things, ’cause unfortunately I’ve only recently discovered them.
This one’s not fun, but we’re gonna talk about it. You need a will. You need to set up a will to make sure that you can assign legal guardianship for your children. And if you are, own a business, you need a [00:17:00] will and you might need a trust, and that is something that I’m gonna be honest with you, I’m gonna admit to you as a good financial expert that I am, it’s something that I should’ve done sooner and I haven’t done it.
I just haven’t got around to it. I haven’t made time for it. And, um, we have a guest on the show coming up in a upcoming episode that talks about how important this is, and fuck, I gotta, I gotta do it. Oh, I gotta do it. So it’s not fun to think about death, I get it, but you know what’s really not fun, is when you’re the loved one who got fucked over because your loved one who died didn’t do any of this for you, and you’re trying to find their accounts, and you’re trying to figure out what they want and how to just navigate all of that while you’re also grieving.
The most selfless thing you can do is get a will together. Get life insurance for yourself, and if you have a partner who is, you know, not even making money, but is a non-compensated working parent, a stay-at-home parent, like look into this. We have so many resources around getting wills, getting life insurance [00:18:00] on our Money Tools page.
We’ll also link that in the description. But, it’s something that I’m thinking more about because I’m getting older and also because I own a business. So you don’t have to be a multimillionaire and you frankly shouldn’t be in order to get a will. Again, if you’re a parent, you need a will. If you have a complicated family situation, you need a will or if you just wanna make sure that your stuff is going to the people you want it to go to, you need a will.
And if anybody is reliant on you financially, you need life insurance, 100%.
Speaker: And lastly, just a lot of business planning, a lot of outlining what sort of goals do I have for the company, but also for myself and my role in the company. Transparently, we’ve talked about me stepping back and bringing in a CEO.
Now I’m s- I would still be the face of the company. You’d still see me all the time. My [00:19:00] interaction with you would not change, but my day-to-day interaction as like the head of the company internally would be a lot different, and I’m not even sure I wanna do that yet. Just a lot of things I’m starting to think about, and again, related to what do I want outside of work?
What do I want outside of HFK? What lights me up? What brings me joy? We also just have a lot of really exciting things coming. We build in secret a lot of the time. We build things very quietly that you might not know are coming, and we have in January of this next year some really fucking cool shit that we’re launching.
We have so many exciting plans for this show, for, uh, just, uh, so many incredible goals for our business and ways we can continue to make an impact for you all that are coming very, very soon. Lots of exciting things coming in the next coming years and me just trying to figure out how do I serve you all best, how do I serve our team best, and [00:20:00] how do I serve myself best?
What do I wanna do that really brings me joy? So lot of things we’re figuring out right now. Team. Those are a lot of the things I’m changing, my financial habits that I’m changing as I move into my 30s, and a lot of the things I am thinking about. I would love to know what you’re thinking about, or what things changed for you as you transitioned into your 30s.
And if you’re in your 20s, ask us a question. I would love to answer some more questions about the decade shift and how your money needs to shift with it. As always, thank you for being here. We appreciate your support of the show. You can like and subscribe or share this episode, or leave us a five star review.
It’s all easy to do, but hugely impactful in supporting our movement. I’m gonna go drink an Aperol Spritz and lounge on the beaches of the Amalfi Coast, and I will see you back here very, very soon.
Tori Dunlap:
Thank you for listening to Financial Feminists, produced by Her First $100K. If you love the show and want to keep supporting feminist media, please subscribe or follow us on your preferred podcasting platform or on YouTube. Your support helps us continue to bring this content to you for free. If you’re looking for resources, tools, and education, including all of the resources mentioned in this episode, head to http://herfirst100k.com/ffpod.
Financial Feminist is hosted by me, Tori Dunlap. Produced by Kristen Fields and Tamisha Grant. Research by Sarah Sciortino. Audio and video engineering by Alyssa Midcalf. Marketing and Operations by Karina Patel and Amanda Leffew. Special thanks to our team at Her First 100K, Kailyn Sprinkle, Masha Bakhmetyeva, Sasha Bonar, Rae Wong, Elizabeth McCumber, Daryl Ann Ingman, Shelby Duclos, Meghan Walker, and Jess Hawks. Promotional graphics by Mary Stratton, photography by Sarah Wolfe, and theme music by Jonah Cohen Sound. A huge thanks to the entire Her First 100K community for supporting our show.
Tori Dunlap
Tori Dunlap is an internationally-recognized money and career expert. After saving $100,000 at age 25, Tori quit her corporate job in marketing and founded Her First $100K to fight financial inequality by giving women actionable resources to better their money. She has helped over five million women negotiate salaries, pay off debt, build savings, and invest.
Tori’s work has been featured on Good Morning America, the New York Times, BBC, TIME, PEOPLE, CNN, New York Magazine, Forbes, CNBC, BuzzFeed, and more.
With a dedicated following of over 2.1 million on Instagram and 2.4 million on TikTok —and multiple instances of her story going viral—Tori’s unique take on financial advice has made her the go-to voice for ambitious millennial women. CNBC called Tori “the voice of financial confidence for women.”
An honors graduate of the University of Portland, Tori currently lives in Seattle, where she enjoys eating fried chicken, going to barre classes, and attempting to naturally work John Mulaney bits into conversation.
